If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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