ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my vagina is haunted
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
