This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
