im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fuck appropriateness.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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