you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
