dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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