Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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