their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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