I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
