You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
