Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
