This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was like getting head from an anaconda
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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