I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
