turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
