So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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