I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
