Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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