He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
