Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
