I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
