I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
