You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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