I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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