Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
