tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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