get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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