just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
