You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
