Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
