In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
