Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
