I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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