Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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