It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
