If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
