At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
