Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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