and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
