So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
