who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
