I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
