Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
