We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
