dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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