I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
