She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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