ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize