trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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