she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
