hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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