You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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