My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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