I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
