You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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