haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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