I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
