I could make wine with my vomit
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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