I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
