Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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