I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
