Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
