4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
