I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
