do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
