Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
