grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
