Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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